On how to be a Girl..?

At the age of 5,
They asked me not to play Hide and seek with the boys of my society,
You little one, you are teaching them that you can be wild and bold.

At the age of 10,
They asked me not to laugh till my stomach hurts and I tumble on the floor,
You little girl, you are teaching them the way to your innocent heart.

At the age of 15,
They asked me not to stand up for myself when someone disrespects me
You whiny teenager, you are teaching them that you have a voice too, you will shoo them away!

At the age of 20,
They asked me not to wear clothes that are “too revealing” or “too inviting”
You’re an adult now ~ stop attracting them like a stupid little girl!

At the age of 25,
They asked me not to be an independent bold woman, capable of taking her own decisions.
You’re finally of a marriagable age, do NOT let that guy slip off of your hands.

At the age of 50,
They made me feel utterly guilty for falling in love with a man, after staying a widow for 10 years..
You foolish old woman, what about your children and the society?!

~ On how to be a Girl..

Matilda Musings!

I adore a lot of colors! I really like how the pink blends, oh so gracefully with the purple when I look at the dwarf Iris flowers, how the orange blends with the perfect shade of yellow and pink during a mesmerizing sunset across the ocean, how the white blend so boldly with the black, making it almost impossible to recognize them individually, almost like the lovers!

But nothing can beat the blues. To be honest, I’ve been feeling a lot of them lately. My days feel bright but my nights feel heavier and now that I recall, most of my nights have been like this. I don’t mean to scare you, but there is something about the silent night, so calming, so horrifying!

I find myself in a boat filled with all these feelings, some that I have been trying to avoid while some I’ve been trying to embrace and I ask you, what is so wrong about all these feelings? If having ugly feeling scare you, then are you really embracing new versions of yourself or only the parts that seem convenient to love and nurture?

Yes, I realise how the conversation went from discussing my favorite colors to slowly slipping into the blues but isn’t that the beauty of a conversation? It’s really sweet and absolutely innocent in the beginning, but the more you talk, the more safe space you develop, the more you grow through it and the more real it gets. And somehow, that is what is so imperfectly perfect about it!

A balance between COVID and Mental health?

Having a hard time coping up with your mental health while in the midst of a Pandemic? I totally relate to you! No doubt it is necessary to take precautions to keep your family safe during COVID but at the same time, one should not ignore the negative influence caused on mental health, especially on small children. Kids can have a hard time processing and adjusting, specially at an age when they are supposed to study, play outdoors and focus on growing healthy and therefore it is very important to check-up on your children in such tough times.

As a Parent, it is necessary to spend time with your children and notice any signs of discomfort or depression. It is highly important to keep the communication lines open and to build a safe space for them to express their emotions, even the uncomfortable ones can be a huge step to prevent children from slipping into depression and having regular episodes of anxiety attacks.

Children are born curious and the best way to make them comfortable around the whole Pandemic is to explain them everything that is going around the world, why is it important to stay at home and how one can prevent the spread of this virus by usage of masks and regular sanitisation. This type of honesty can bring a sense of understanding in the children, thereby making them stronger to face the Pandemic rather than building more fear around it.

It is also essential to make sure that children follow a daily routine that involves a balance between academic and the extra-curricular activities in order to maintain discipline. It can also be a great chance for families to spend some quality time together, being involved in different activities like doing Yoga, Cooking, Painting and exploring new activities!

Last but not the least, if the child is having a hard time, then do not shy away from seeking help. It is as important to seek professional help if someone is mentally hurting, as it is to visit a doctor when someone has an accident. These times are tough and it is important to reach out for help when needed, in order to get through the Pandemic!

Trust the Process!

You know how they say that when the plane is about to crash, you have to put your oxygen mask first to save yourself and then help the ones next to you?
That is how Life works too.

There will be times when you will come across people who would sweep you off your feet, take your breath away and make you laugh till your stomach hurts, but they may grow and might not serve your purpose or help you in your growth and in those hard times, instead of blaming the universe or yourself, trust it all.

Choose yourself. Choose loving and trusting your own instinct and know that not everybody is meant for you and you are not meant for everybody and that is okay.
Know that it is okay to mourn the absence and the memories they left you with.
Know that it is okay to say No politely to all the patterns of hurting yourself again and again for their presence in your life.
Know that it is okay to love them from afar without being a part of their life.

Unsettling feelings

I often find myself falling back into the same loopholes and spiraling without even realizing that I am following the same old pattern, the one that had brought me pain for the longest time. These are the times I find myself questioning the process, revisiting old lanes that once brought me only happiness to now, not feeling anything but just a void, that slowly fades into emptiness.

Where do all these feelings go? The unsettling roaring pain that surfaced and enveloped in the name of love. The lingering memories that never seem to leave completely, they seem to occupy spaces that were once filled with nothing but contentment. The promises that you broke in the blink of an eye, all in the name of being seen and being loved. The guilt that came along with betraying yourself in times when you needed it the most and being unkind when you knew deep down, you deserved it the most. The shame that came along with choosing love all over again, despite the red flags and the warnings that were shouting at you, time and again. The vivid dreams that only reminded you of a thousand
possibilities of how things could have worked out differently.

Where do all these unsettled feelings go?

Love in today’s time?

In this fast growing world, it is so rare to find a love that can proudly express that it has swimmed across the ocean, flew over the mountains, felt lost amidst so many other things but always found a way to shine or see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wonder, what really happened?

Why, or rather how did the generations went from writing letters to one another and waiting for days or even weeks for a response to literally not having even a minute patience and feeling the anxiety which only seems to disappear when the other responds within seconds? What exactly changed? How did the Internet bring such a huge gap between us, even thought it’s sole purpose was to connect millions? I am not saying that Internet has only brought out the worst in humans but it definitely has been overpowering its presence over us.

Love comes with all sort of challenges. It brings more downs than the ups, more rain than the rainbow, more comprises over ego, more ‘We’ over ‘Me’. Well, we all crave the feeling of being loved or wanting to be loved yet most of us are scared to actually provide love or put ourselves out there, opening our arms wide open, taking the leap of faith, knowing that most probably we will end up in a ditch or being heartbroken.

This always makes me wonder, are we too heartbroken to invest all over again or are we completely cold-hearted and selfish to not put ourselves out there ever again?

A question that I demand each and everyone to ponder over!

Online Gambling!

This type of gambling is literally one of the most entertaining activities that is out there on the Internet! So let’s talk about what exactly is Online Gambling?
Gambling is basically any activity that can have a probability or a chance at winning for money and since this is now available on the Internet, it is referred to as Online Gambling.

Online gambling has grown popular for the very basic reasons that ‘History always repeats itself’ knowing that gambling has been popular throughout history, where people enjoyed a fun game at betting, always hoping to win money or anything huge at stack for that matter and secondly since Internet is freely available to absolutely any corner and part of the world, it easily attracts a wide range of promising customers! Other than that, it is also quite comfortable and convenient at the reach of one click only! The other great advantage is that people are not exposed to peer pressure, so one can take some time out and smartly decide how much investment does he want to make, without getting carried away or feeling pressurized. 

One of the biggest companies involved with gambling, strongly believe that this is more than just a ‘past-time’ , they are strongly motivated and passionate gamble players and they find no harm in people who want to invest in the same but does one really think that they’re are only pros to Online Gambling and no cons at all?

Personally speaking, there are pros and cons to everything. Playing for the sake of entertainment and as an hobby, ad far as it does not take a toll on the mental health of an individual is absolutely fine but as we have observed how many people eventually find themselves addicted to gambling that is when it becomes a huge problem. At the peak rising age of social media,one has to be very careful of what they’re consuming and exposing themselves too, in order order prevent themselves in being the ‘product’ at the end of the day so yes, anything consumed in minimal quantities in said to be absolutely healthy!


One fine evening when autumn was round the corner, this beautiful lady, not only in appearance but one whose beauty extends to the depths of her soul, found herself alone while having herself surrounded by her dear friends. Everyone but she enjoyed their cup of hot tea, some delicious cake and a bit of gossip that made their life bearable.

Slowly, all the voices blurred and she found herself staring at a rather intriguing tree. A tree so huge that it alone provided shelter to her entire house for years. The gossip was slowly replaced by the chirping of the birds and the rattling of the windows, which took her back in time where she remembered what being content felt like. A thousand memories flashed in front of her in a split second and in that moment she lived it all once again. The time that was free from judgement, free from entanglement, free from a different kind of chaos, but moreover free from her own thoughts of how she deserved this pain and suffering. A part where he lived even after his death.

I wonder why do we hold on to memories that cause us pain? Do we feel that losing the hurt might make us lose a part of ourselves, the part that we strongly believe brings us happiness, even for a tiny moment? The part that is so close to our heart, that we feel a goodbye might take them away from us? Would they feel that we’re finally giving them up as it would be a sin for us to believe that we deserve more space for the new ones? Would they be angry, happy or terrified of how we could let them slip away because memories are all that we have?

Write a note to yourself from a moment in the future. What will you need to hear?

Here I am, a 23 year old, vibrant introvert who has been slowly unfolding intriguing layers of herself, acknowledging and accepting the new versions that are revealed as time passes by.

Today, I write a letter to the future older Me, hoping that one day I will retrace my steps back to this letter, in needs of hope and a faint smile of my face. 
I’d like to tell my future self to be more crazy! “To take more chances and dance more dances” because the Today me is not very bothered about the way I am perceived. So I’d like to remind myself of how long I’ve worked to reach here, knowing that the past me would have been so easily offended at every passing comment or so effortlessly carry a mask that would hide my real feelings.So Yes, I’d say, take more risks without giving a damn about the world! 

I’d also tell the older me to never stop being vulnerable, never be afraid of confrontations and to always be true to the values and roots that I have carried and the ones I will be shaping in my upcoming years.

And last but not the least, to never stop believing that You, a tiny badass woman, can change the world in ways you have never imagined.So never, ever stop believing in the magic that you carry within yourself because that magic is what defines you. Let it burn inside of you, consume you and guide you in times when you need it the most!  🙂

Ruled by Values..?

So you must have often heard people say how they stand by their values and how important it is to have them. So let us take a deep dive into what exactly are values and how can one recognize their own values?

By the literal definition provided by Google, Values are nothing but the standard of behabiour or one’s judgment of what is really important in life.

So I’ll share my personal journey that was filled with loads of experiences and emotions that made Me who I am today. Every event that had occured in my life, be it a failed friendship, a past relationship or a small conflict with my parents always brought me closer to understanding the “do’s and don’ts” and that is how I slowly found myself prioritizing my values, which in fact brought me a step closer to understanding the complex human being that I am!

A failed relationship made me realize the importance of communication and compatibility, a failed friendship made me realize the importance of trust and honesty, a conflict with my parents made me realize the importance of understanding a difference in perspective and forgiveness, and that is how I started aligning it all.

The first thing necessary to align your values is to write down the do’s and don’ts or basically what you like or dislike in your favorite friend or a family member. This can be the easiest way to understand what makes you attracted to a friend and what shows you the red flags about them! This is the major step as decoding this, is inturn decoding a part of your own self.

The next thing would be, prioritizing these values for youself. You can do this by probably putting yourself in different situations and consciously catching on the first emotion of which value means more to you or which value can be put a little on hold or later in the list! This can be tricky since I believe values are interrelated and it can get a little blurry but with regular practices and revisiting it again, one can sharpen the priority list over a period of time.

And the last but the most important thing is, to always practice these values. We all have heard how practicing anything for 21 days can convert it into a Habit? That is exactly how one can completely be true to their own values : by practicing it, revisiting it and remembering to show up for yourself time and again!

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